DC Metro System's Culture War

I can only wish the executive team charged with improving Washington, DC's beleaguered Metro transit system the best of luck - they will need it.

It's been quite a few years since I rode Metro regularly to work and back. And it's no secret that commuters on Metro have had much to contend with over the last several years - breakdowns, escalator outages, horrific accidents and safety issues, etc. Saturday, I took Metro downtown to meet some good friends. Here is how my re-introduction went:

I arrived at the station, which appeared to be in mid-renovation, but had no signs of immediate work being done. I approached the card machine; the posted fare schedule indicated my trip would be $1.35. I put that amount of money in the machine - but no card came out. Nothing indicated how I was supposed to retrieve my card, nor why it wasn't giving me one. Other riders came and went, purchasing their cards successfully. I hit cancel, and tried another machine. And another. A kind gal tried to help, but couldn't figure out what was wrong, either. The train came and went - I could hear it, see people rushing - still I had no card. Finally, alone, I looked around to see a Metro employee sauntering along aimlessly. I asked for help, and he gruffly replied that the fare was $1.45. OK, I said, but why won't the machine allow me to get a card? Visibly annoyed, he told me to put in another dime, and hit the button by the light that magically appeared this time saying "Take Card". I asked, why does the fare schedule read $1.35? I got a curt reply as he turned to leave, "Fares go up tomorrow".

Ha. Really.

Where do I begin to point out the things that were wrong with this exchange? I don't mind the ten cents. I am really annoyed about the total lack of customer service, politeness, empathy, and the fact that I missed my train (and was late). And I find it very poor that there was no signage indicating fare changes, a posted fee schedule that was apparently incorrect, and silliest of all - that I was somehow supposed to know that fares went up the next day, so therefore I had to pay a different rate than was posted... today.

The charming fellow that clued me in to the fare hike was perhaps only bested by the alternately sleeping/staring slovenly, disheveled young Metro employee on the train, slouching in a handicapped seat, shirt untucked, feet spilling into the aisle such that one was forced to physically go around him to walk to the seats farther back.

So the new folks at Metro have their work cut out for them. Good luck. You can't fire all your employees and maintain a working system, but changing such attitudes and work habits is a herculean task. Improvements will be slow, hard fought, and like so much of the DC government, require a gradual turnover of employees to new ones who somehow manage not to be infected with the lack of work ethic or inattentiveness that's brought us to where we are now.

Long Live the Happy Meal

There appears to be a genuine movement – gaining traction – to ban the Happy Meal at my favorite restaurant, McDonald’s. I am incredulous. What’s so happy about a Happy Meal without a race car? Or a plastic princess? Apparently Santa Clara County in California is nixing the little toys that come with the Happy Meal. Says Supervisor Ken Yeager, who sponsored the measure, "This ordinance prevents restaurants from preying on children's' love of toys" to sell high-calorie, unhealthful food.

Personally, I am not with Ken on this. I’m a big fan of the golden arches. Every month or two, I go big – big sandwich, big fries, a massive drink, and even an apple pie (filling HOT!). Now that I have a five year old daughter, it’s a fun treat every now and then for us to hit McDonald’s together, and she really gets a kick out of it. And what’s the harm? She eats fresh, local, healthy food every day at home and school, no desserts, no daily sugary snacks in the house. So is an order of fries going to do us all in? Every now and then I also have a big cigar, and seriously tie one on. I’m not alone in this pattern of destructive and unacceptable behavior, according to the folks in California. Apparently, McDonald’s is pulling people off the streets in Santa Clara County and forcing Happy Meals down the throats of unsuspecting vegans, causing them and their children to balloon to the size of small manatees. For shame.

Must we, as a nation, suck the fun out of everything?

I have a better idea. Let’s just all agree that we are a country whose collective IQ nearly achieves room temperature on a good day, and re-sign with the Queen. We can no longer control ourselves, much less our children. Adult supervision is required, again.

Good grief, America. Get a hold of yourself.

(NOT moving to Santa Clara County any time soon)